Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
