i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
