So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
