She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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