She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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