Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
