so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My liver just had a heart attack.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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