Your face is a jimmy john
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she pinky promised me she was 18
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
