I think my vagina is haunted
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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