he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
even my farts smell like vagina
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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