either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
