just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
