Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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