So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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