the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
