Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Shame is for Republicans.
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