I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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