Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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