Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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