When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
