When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
