I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
