i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
