your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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