It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My hand turned me down
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
