when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
