you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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