So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
