Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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