as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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