I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
