it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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