Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
