so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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