remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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