alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
