she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
