I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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