I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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