i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
