mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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