1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
