Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
