Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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