Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
