This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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