Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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