Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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