Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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