what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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